October 25th

This week we talked about relationships and love. One thing that we talked about was how we seem to be attracted to people. Some of the factors were proximity/access, physical attraction, and similarities. We often find that we are attracted to people that can seem to be similar to some of our family members. Sometimes we seek those that are similar to our family because they are "familiar". Another thing we talked about was what seems like a new trend; it is called 'Date 'em 'till you hate 'em". A lot of people seem to be following a model where they hang out, then make out, and then drop out of the relationship. It is better to follow John Van Epp's model of attachment. We should know someone more than we trust them, we should trust them more than we rely on them, we should rely on them more than we commit, and we should commit more than we touch. It seems like lately we jump into touching and feel attached to someone without really knowing them. Touching can distort our perceptions. This can be dangerous because feelings can be hurt and it can teach you to drop out of relationships if things aren't going well instead of trying to make them work. It is said that you should never date exclusively until you are ready to get married. There are different types of love. The Greeks said that there were four types of love: storge, phillia, agape, and eros. Storge is the type of love between a parent and a child. Phillia is a friendly love for another. Agape is acting in someone's behalf even if you don't like them. Eros is the passionate and romantic love that many of us dream about and long for. I think that it is important in a marriage to have all of these types of love. We would want to have storge in that we would be willing to sacrifice for another just like a parent would for a child. We would also want to have phillia in that our spouse is our best friend and that we will always be there for them. We also want to have agape and be willing to serve our spouse even when we may be frustrated with them and to have that Christ-like love for them. We all want to have eros because we all seem to crave that passionate and romantic expression of love. When we have this combination our love life will become better, and possibly even best. However, it is important to remember that marriage isn't like a Cinderella story where there is one perfect person for us and that when we get married everything will be perfect. There are many wonderful people out there whom we could marry and have a good marriage. The important thing in marriage is to have two people who are really committed to their religion and each other. Also it is important to remember that being happy doesn't mean there will be no conflict. Also conflict doesn't always mean fighting it can simply mean a difference of opinion.

October 18th

This week we learned about gender roles and same-sex attraction. The proclamation to the family says, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal and eternal identity and purpose." Our gender is important and provides a purpose and a role for us. I think that it is important as husband and wives, and families that we share one another's burdens. However, our gender provides us with a role. Women are to nurture and strengthen their children and to help them grow in the gospel. The men's role is to protect, provide, and preside. I think that these gender roles are complimentary and help us to become better. When we have a companion with different strengths we are able to grow and expand the areas of our strengths as we have the opportunity to learn from them. I think that being able to be a mother and fulfill the nurturing role is both a blessing and a privilege that should be respected rather than taken for granted. I think our roles are important because they help us to see things from a different perspective which can benefit us all as we grow together and learn from each other's differences.

When we talked about same-sex attraction I found it was interesting that many men who felt that they were same-sex attracted really wanted to have a wife and children and to be a father but they felt like they couldn't do that and that they weren't eligible to do those things. When they were able to talk about their issues they were able to learn that it was all a matter of misunderstanding, and that they could still have all those things and do all those things. Personally I think it is sad to see all guys who have feminist traits get labeled as gay. I think that a lot of women like seeing guys that are sensitive, expressive of their emotions, creative, and good communicators. I think that it would be a sad thing to take away the chance for a woman to have that kind of guy just because he was always pressured to be and labeled as gay. I also thought that it was interesting in homosexual relationships that most of them took on heterosexual roles. Generally one partner would take on the more effeminate role and the other would take on more of an emasculate role. No matter what sexuality we may be we all seem to strive to have both of the gender roles in our relationships.

October 11th

This week we learned about class and culture and the diversities there are. Class is not the same thing as culture. Culture is a way of living and class is a way to describe someone's economical standing. A diversity that we learned about that I though was interesting was the diversity between different types of families. Some social scientist researchers studied if there was no real difference between different family types. And they came up with these results:

I think it is interesting to see just the amount of difference that family types make on family members. I thought that it was interesting to see just how much a difference it made for the children to have an intact biological family. It shows just how important families are in our lives and how much impact and influence they have on us family members.
If you are interested there is further information on the research at:
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765581831/Studies-challenge-widely-held-assumptions-about-same-sex-parenting.html?pg=all

This week I learned about family system theories. One thing that I thought was interesting was the work of Salvador Minuchin, a family systems theorist. According to Salvador Minuchin a family is functional or dysfunctional based upon it’s abilities to adapt to various stressors, which in turn, rests upon the clarity and appropriateness of its subsystem boundaries. It is important to have boundaries in a relationship because when we don’t have boundaries or when we have diffuse boundaries our marriages and family relationships become fragile. We did a little activity to demonstrate Minuchin’s theory about a family and it’s abilities to adapt to stressors. We had about five or six people stand in a circle and hold hands. Then they all leaned back to sustain balance. Our Instructor then would walk around and put his hands on one of their shoulders and pull back to show stress. When this happened the others had to keep a tight grasp one each other’s hands and balance themselves to compensate for the newly added stress. After doing this several times we made some observations. As problems or ‘stressors’ arose within the family, their bonds grew tighter. Sometimes when they were going through the process it hurt, but it saved a family member from falling away. When they all leaned back it showed that they were developing and strengthening trust in their family members. We noticed that when problems arose other family members encouraged each other saying things like, “Don’t worry we got you.” Their problems became easier when they continued to make their bonds tighter. Sometimes the things you do to fix things may hurt, but the benefits out way the costs. I believe that it is important to do things that will strengthen our family bonds and support our family members. As we do this our trust and love for each other will grow and we will be able to experience greater happiness and joy in life.