December 13th: Divorce and Remarriage

This week we talked about Divorce and Remarriage. We learned about about the six stages of divorce. The first stage is emotional divorce. This refers to a loss of respect, commitment, trust, and affection. The second stage is legal divorce. This refers to when the court brings marriage to an end. The third stage is economic divorce. This refers to the division of property among the parents. The fourth stage is co-parental. This refers to the continued co-parent decisions about the child's life. The fifth stage is community divorce. This refers to rifts in community because friends have had to choose to be on the side of one parent or the other. The sixth stage is psychic. This refers to accepting the separation and regaining a sense of being an individual rather than being a couple.

 Right now a marriage contract is the easiest contract to get out of. Before the No Fault Divorce Act you had to prove that there was neglect/abuse, substance abuse, or adultery. When marital satisfaction is low many people feel like the only solution is divorce. However, there are many reasons not to get a divorce. Some reasons are that it is expensive, 70% of those who do divorce regret it, those who stick together have better marriages, when a divorce happens usually the mother and child go into poverty while the father becomes distant, the child may feel that the divorce is their fault, and the child often repeats misbehavior.

A divorce can have a lot of negative effects and cause a lot of trauma in the life of a child. It can also leave the child with feelings of abandonment when a parent is no longer a big part of their life and they may feel that they aren't loved by that parent.

A study was done and 70% of divorce respondents said they could have saved their marriage and they deeply wish they would have. In that study out of those who stuck together within five years they were happy and 70% reported that their marital satisfaction was either happy or very happy. 62% of divorced women and their children are in poverty. It becomes important to really stop and think before we choose to act because there are so many negative effects including heartbreak.

Remarriage can be a difficult thing because as it is said you are not only marrying that person, you are marrying that person and their children. Remarriage can be something that brings happiness, but it can take a lot of effort to make it work. Sometimes it can be difficult because a parent may be not as willing to trust someone after their divorce. They may feel heartbroken and they don't want to risk feeling that way again in order to get to know someone.

It may take two years of being remarried to achieve a sense of normalcy. It is important that in the first few years of remarriage that the birth parent does all the heavy discipline. I'm sure we've all heard the phrase, "you're not my mother!" or "you're not my dad!". It can also be important to instead of being a disciplinary figure that the step parent in those first few years has more of a "cool aunt or uncle" kind of relationship with the child. It is important that they spend quality time with their step children doing activities where they can bond together and build trust and feelings of love in their relationship with the children. It is important to do activities or events that allow they to see that you love and care for them, and you are not there just to tell them everything they are doing wrong. Even though there are stories like Cinderella where the step mother was evil, not all step parents are unkind or cruel. A child may have a step parent that they come to consider their "real" parent.

It is important to go that extra mile and let them know that you care for them and that you will be there for them even during the struggles they face throughout their life. When we do this we can become a child's parent even if we aren't biologically related. We can have that loving and caring relationship that most people long for in life.