December 6th: Parenting and Children's Needs

This week we talked about parenting. President Thomas S. Monson said, “To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day as you deal with challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them."  Dr. Michael Popkins talks about parenting. He says that when there is a problem we should ask who owns the problem, or in other words, who does it affect. When we a problem arises he says that we, as parents, should make a polite request. If the problem continues we should use an I-message. We use I-messages when we say: “When you _____, I feel ______ because ______. I would like ______. Do you understand?” If the problem persists then we can use a firm or strong message which really demonstrates our point. Then if you continue to have problems you can use logical consequences. Logical consequences are discipline that is logically connected to a misbehavior and applied by an authority to influence a child to behave within the limits of the situation. For example, a logical consequence could be if your child draws on the wall then their consequence could be to clean the wall. However when the problem is not too serious we can allow natural consequences. Natural consequences are the results that naturally occur as a result of a child’s behavior without the parent doing anything. He says, “Do not do for your children on a regular basis what they can do for themselves.” However, we shouldn't allow for natural consequences when: it is too dangerous, the consequences are too far in the future, and it affects others. We shouldn't react to a tough situation with threats; we need to have mutual respect with our children. When it comes to teaching, the most important teaching you will do will happen when you act and your children observe; it will not happen when you are lecturing them because what you do speaks louder than what you say.  We also talked about children’s needs. Children really need contact. It can provide a feeling of belonging. Contact is one of the biggest needs. Harlow did a study with monkeys. He gave the monkeys a wire mother that fed the monkey and a cloth mother that provides comfort and contact. The monkeys constantly chose the cloth mother over the wire mother that fed them. This demonstrates the need that children have for comfort.

Popkins says that we should offer contact freely and allow our children to contribute. When we let them contribute it adds to their feelings of belonging. It is important to have contact with our children whether it is a high five, a hug, a kiss, knuckles, etc. it has a huge impact on our children. Some research shows that children need 17 hugs a day. There is an article on it at http://kidsactivitiesblog.com/53608/kids-need-17-hugs-day. Even if we don't hug them seventeen times a day it is important that we offer contact freely as it is one of the most important needs in our children's development.