November 22nd: Communication

This week in class we discussed the topic of communication. Dr. Stephen Covey wrote a book called The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. In his book one of the habits is: seek to understand, then to be understood. A lot of time we will listen to others with the intent to reply, but what we should really be doing is listening with the intent to understand. One of his sayings is "diagnose before you prescribe." Very often we will try and tell them what we think they should do based on our own experiences and opinions and we end up giving advise where it was not desired. Sometimes we just want to have someone listen, not to reply, but simply listen to us. Many times we will advise, probe them with questions, chose to agree or disagree, or explain their motives and behavior based on our own experiences. These are very ineffective ways to go about listening to others. Instead we should listen with empathy and seek to understand. Ralph Roughton once said, "When I ask you to listen and you start giving advise, you have not done what I have asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen and you feel like you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as it may seem. Listen! All I ask is that you listen; not talk or do, just hear me." A lot of the time what we want the most is not for someone to try and fix our situation, but instead just listen to us. There are many forms and parts of communication. One form of communication is verbal; it's all about the words we use. Even though words can be really important it is very often that what we do is even more important than the words we say. In Dr. Covey's book it has a chart that shows the importance of different parts and forms of communication. 55% is all about our facial expressions and body language. 38% is all about how we say words with our tone of voice and style. Lastly, 7% is all about the words we use. Even though we may think that what we say is most important, it's generally more important how we say it and how we communicate it. Often things can be miscommunicated.

 I think there are many ways for miscommunication to happen, but I think that the times where miscommunication happens the most is when we cannot see or hear the person. One big example of this is texting.

When we text someone we cannot hear the tone of voice they would have used and we cannot see their facial expressions so we may misinterpret what they are saying. Someone once said that texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what others mean. Here are two examples of miscommunication in texting:

We may often say things that can be taken in different ways. You can say the same thing, but depending on the way that you say it, it can mean totally different things. For example you could say, "I love you" to a friend and it would mean something, but if you said, "I love you" to your girlfriend/boyfriend it can mean something totally different. It would be so much better if we put down distractions and electronics and took the time to speak to each other face to face. It would show how much we care and it would diminish the amount of misunderstandings that happen when we speak with others. Harold B. Lee said that we should communicate so clearly that we cannot be misunderstood. When misunderstandings arise we should give others the benefit of the doubt, assume the best (within experience), be patient kind and generous, and treat others with compassion. My professor said, "understanding is like oxygen; it is highly valued and extremely needed." Many of us crave understanding, we desperately want to be understood. We should seek to understand others before we seek to be understood. We should spend time expressing love and appreciation towards others because not only does is it uplifting, but when misunderstandings and conflicts arise we already know that they love and appreciate us. It is better to prepare and prevent than trying to repair and repent. Compromises are a wonderful thing, but it is often better to discuss the situation until we come to a consensus. A consensus is when a group of people reach a general agreement rather than forming a compromise. When we make decisions we should invite everyone to share their thoughts and feelings. We shouldn't have conversations when we are angry because it doesn't help anyone. It only creates a division in between us. Instead we should choose to love one another and talk about it when we are no longer angry, but can talk with each other with feelings of care and support. When we love someone we should make a special time to talk with them face to face because it truly will show how much we care because we are going out of our way to talk with them in person rather than speaking through the phone or by text messaging. When we do this it will also diminish the amount of misunderstandings and strengthen our relationships. So I would hope that we would all take some time out of our day to speak with the people we love, and if we cannot speak face to face because of long distance I would hope that we would at least call them so that we can hear their voice and we can speak clearly and lovingly. Loving others is learning how to communicate what we really mean and truly feel towards others.