November 2nd - Same-gender Attraction: Are we really born that way?

When talking about same-gender attraction I have heard many people say the phrase, "I was born this way." I honestly question if this statement is true, and the answer that I have come up with is that it really isn't. I think that throughout a lifetime of being told that you are different or being labeled that you are gay or lesbian can lead a person to rewrite their history to be able to say, "I was born this way." Dr. Daryl J. Bem of Cornell University explains this theory wonderfully in an address given to the American Psychological Association (1997) called Exotic Becomes Erotic. It can be a combination that leads up to this feeling or a gradual process. The process is as follows:

1 - Biological Variables (Ex. genes or prenatal hormones)

2 - Childhood Temperaments (Ex. aggression or activity levels)

3 - Sex Typical/Atypical Activity and Playmate Preferences (Ex. gender conformity/non-conformity)

4 - Feeling Different from Opposite/Same-sex Peers (Ex. dissimilar, unfamiliar, or exotic)

5 - Nonspecific Autonomic Arousal to Opposite/Same-sex Peers

6 - Erotic/Romantic Attraction to Opposite/Same-sex Persons (Sexual Orientation)

I think a lot of it has to do with how we label and treat each other especially in earlier stages of life. When we see a child playing with things that are usually associated with the other gender most people begin to label the child as gay or lesbian. When we do this we allow the child to have a "Black Sheep" or "Odd Man Out" mentality. We say that they don't fit in with the other kids and they begin to think that something is different or wrong with them. This often leaves them with a desire to fit in and be accepted. However, now that we have labeled them oft times other kids will see them as an outcast or a 'black sheep' and they don't want to be associated with someone that doesn't fit in because they often fear that they will become a 'black sheep' too. When we label someone as something they will often have a hard time seeing themselves as anything else. For example there is the Disney story of Quasimodo. 

Quasimodo's adopted father, Judge Claude Frollo constantly is telling Quasimodo that he is an ugly monster and a reject. After all, Quasimodo means 'half-formed'. Quasimodo comes to accept what Frollo tells him as the truth. Even at the beginning of the movie Frollo describes Quasimodo as an 'unholy demon from hell'. However, Quasimodo later leaves his tower and learns what it is like to love and be loved. He goes through a lot of emotional pain and anguish, but at the end the people change from seeing him as a monster into seeing him as a hero. Labels can be seriously damaging. When we label someone as gay or lesbian they can feel like Quasimodo when he was labeled he felt that what he had been told was all he ever could be. When we label people they feel like they have to be that way and that they can't change no matter how much they wish that they could. A lot of times people who may be struggling haven't realized what Quasimodo learned. "It was all a big misunderstanding". When people see as Quasimodo came to see they can be set free and learn that they don't have to be that way. They can have the family they have always wanted. I think that people with same-sex attraction don't always realize that it is often a big misunderstanding. Yes, there may be same-sex couples that feel happy with their love lives, but it can often take a big toll on the family. Some research was conducted and they came up with these results:

Same-sex couples may not always realize how much their relationship can affect their children's lives. Even though Intact Biological Families still have problems they are significantly less those with Same-sex couples. Even though people may have same-sex attraction it seems that when a same-sex relationship is happening one of the spouses takes on a more masculine role and the other takes on a more feminine role. I think that it is interesting that when there are same-gender relationships they still try to imitate the heterosexual couples. In the end, I think that we are not born this way; we just have had different factors that lead us to assume the "gay or lesbian identity". I also think that even when we have assumed those identities we can still change and be able to have things we might not have been able to have, such as families.