All lot of people say that it is good to have sexual relationships before marriage. However it reminds me of an experiment:
Have a person drink half the glass of orange juice. Tasty, isn't it? Now have the person rinse with some mouthwash. Nice and fresh! Invite another person to rinse with mouthwash and then drink the orange juice. How does it taste now? Isn't it interesting that if we do this in the wrong order, something sweet can become bitter? Physical intimacy is no different – it is good and beautiful, and the timing in which it occurs is very important.
When we wait until after marriage to have sex it is like drinking orange juice and then using mouthwash. When we have sexual relationships before marriage it is like using mouthwash then drinking orange juice. It can leave us with feelings of bitterness, regret, longing, loneliness, and emptiness.
Sometimes in relationships we get so focused on the physical aspects that we forget what is really important. When we touch someone we can get confused and begin to think that we know them when we really don't know them as well as we think we do. John Van Epp speaks about this with his relationship attachment model.
He said that it is important to know the other person and that we should trust them less than we know them. We shouldn't rely on them more than we trust them and we shouldn't commit more than we rely on them. We also shouldn't touch them more than we are committed to them. The more we get to know the other person we can begin to trust, rely, commit, and touch them more. If we do this any other way we can become confused about the way we truly feel about that person.
If you ever find yourself wondering what your relationship is really built on you take a step back from the physical intimacy and you will be able to more clearly see where the foundation of your relationship lies.
It is important to have a relationship that isn't built solely upon physical intimacy and attractiveness because as we age we may not appear as physically attractive and if that was the basis of the relationship then that relationship may begin to crumble and fall apart. We should love each other for who they are and not how they look.
Sex is like superglue; it can form strong attachments and when you try and break that bond it can leave you shattered and broken just like when you try and break something bound by superglue apart. When we have formed that physical relationship and attachment if we try and break it off it can leave us with some serious damage. As my professor said, "when you have had your lips on someone you can't just be homies anymore."
A lot of people choose to have a lot of sex and they still don't end up filling satisfied. I think this is because you can never get enough of what you don't need because what you don't need won't satisfy you. I think that a lot of times we see people having sexual relationships in movies and they seem to glorify it and when we don't have that amazing experience we think that something is wrong, but it may not be that way. As different genders we have different sexual response cycles so it may seem difficult because we don't always get sexually aroused at the same time. This doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It is normal for a male to experience sexual arousal long before a female may feel sexually aroused. The real key is to think about the other person. As my professor said, "the best love making happens when they think about each other and makes each other feel good." We need to be patient and kind towards our spouses and realize that we are different. However, these differences can help us to become more selfless. As we do this we can become as the scriptures say, "one flesh."
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